Ask an RA: Simple tips to navigate hookup culture

Being an RA, i am equipped to respond to large amount of concerns. Got a test that is stressful up? Stressbusters. Got a leaky roof? Hartley Hospitality. Got a monster in your cabinet? Ghostbusters. But there is one solution they do not show in RA training: “just how do i navigate hookup culture right here?”

I’m not sure who first utilized the word “navigate” in mention of the art of getting laid, but it surely causes it to be seem more difficult than it is. After being in a long-distance relationship for two of my 3 years at Columbia, i have collected a distinctive and comprehensive set of information.

So that you can allow you to preempt any hookup disaster, i’ve compiled this information into a summary of advice:

Hold yourself as well as your friends in charge of acting like rational, free-thinking adults. Limit discussion regarding your sexploits up to a short while per time.

Apply labels to your relationship.

Hear me out—you need certainly to make your objectives clear. It is like having a layout to your variety of blogs. It’s easy to lose sight of what you set out to do when you lack a uniting vision. You begin away by having a heartfelt post regarding the deepest feelings and just before understand it, you’re writing a post on how to navigate hookup culture as you view your daily life disintegrate before your eyes.

Don’t let your self be emotionally abused.

I cannot stress this sufficient. We have seen one way too many buddies fall target to psychological punishment. You have most likely had buddy like this—you continue steadily to seek their company, despite being profoundly upset by them. Into the final end, you can’t get a handle on their behavior, but you can take control of your very own.

Keep it secret, keep it safe.

We reside in a fishbowl, which means even although you only share information with one person, transmission continues to be unavoidable. Don’t talk about your many current hookup without your partner’s permission. It’s rude compare seekingarrangement with other dating websites.

A bed if you share a kitchen, don’t share. Some exceptions use.

With regards to “hookup tradition” at Columbia, you don’t need to satisfy a quota, or have actually a kind, or keep any image. It appears corny, but really, all you have to do is love your self before you give your lovin’ to somebody else. This past year, we constantly felt this tension, this pressure that is unbelievable perform within a totally arbitrary collection of bounds. Once we release this tension, most of the USUALLY DO NOT CROSS tape and all sorts of associated with the things about yourself which you think are preventing you against getting what you would like magically disappear.

For me, hookup culture will not be that essential. When i acquired within the concept over it entirely that I had to feel one way or another about “hooking up”, I kind of got. The stress to appear a particular method or to own a specific impact on people disappeared.

The things I’m referring to is completely distinctive from intercourse positivity—it’s sex neutrality. It is acceptance for the proven fact that how many other people think does not have any bearing on which you do and vice versa. You just cannot exert the control that is same other individuals which you exert over your work ethic, or your art, or your problem sets. There are no rules—no second date rule, no three time guideline, no hipsters-only guideline. The rules that are only need to follow are the ones we set for myself. We have every once in awhile required guidelines that are such and I also are becoming better at determining just what in myself requires repairing. Without each one of these requirements that are arbitrary there is nothing to navigate. I’ve paddles, should i would like them, however for I am just just drifting.

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